Macabre - What the Heck Richard Speck (Eight Nurses You Wrecked) (2:06-ish)

You like cool music dontcha? Listen to this, you're guaranteed to be down with the kids. Since this is Macabre it's going to be about a serial killer because that's all they ever write about. A Macabre song that isn't about serial killers is like a Mortician song without a movie sample, it just doesn't get done. There's blasting all over this which always gets heads banging and then there's that quite original vocal style from Corporate Death which is always good for a laugh. (1:24) A lead, and then more blasting. If you're sick to death of blasting I'm sure that you can still make a little room for Macabre because they are cool.

I'm certainly in the mood for writing today.

Crom - Funeral Pyre (0:50-ish)

It's a cover of (part of) Black Funeral by Mercyful Fate but with one of the words changed (0:25) which I'm having trouble discerning because maybe my hearing is shit? Along with Nasty Ronnie destroying televisions, Wendy O. Williams chainsawing guitars in half and blowing up cars and Tim Baker being wheeled on stage in a coffin to burst out and sing King Of the Dead this is pretty metal.

Judas Priest - Ram It Down (4:49-ish)

It's a far cry from the best Priest album and definitely not the best song on there (hello Blood Red Skies and Monsters Of Rock). I can have some pretty terrible taste in music sometimes. It's well played at least and starts so promisingly with a scream from Rob. (0:21) First lead here and it's into the singing (0:32). The bridge (0:45) is typical Priest ridiculousness; thousands of cars and a million guitars... that's a lot of cars and a pretty huge army of rock. I could believe Queen pulling those numbers but not Priest. (1:20) Another lead here and the bridge and chorus again (1:39), time to rage metal maniacs. (1:48) A  minute lead here, during the chorus and one of Rob's screams here (2:09). (2:21) Here you get two lines which are supposed to be unifying but it comes off as a bit fake but what do you expect when the album you did before was Turbo. Painkiller wasn't on the horizon just yet. At least the minute and twenty one of solos (2:36-3:57) which end in another scream are good. (4:03) The last bridge and chorus with little (4:29 ) leads (4:35) added in there and it ends with a dual-tracked (4:43) scream which always leaves me puzzled how any band can pull it off live.

I've been a bit negative. Maybe I should've wrote about Victim Of Changes instead.

King Diamond - No Presents For Christmas (4:21-ish)

I'm sure that there is some kind of heavy metal law that requires you to post that image whenever you write about this song.

It's a classic and you know it. It may start out with some jingling bells but it's not long before you get one of King's instantly recognisable laughs (0:18) and the first riff kicks it off into a typical Andy La Rocque lead (0:31). (0:50) Vocals start here. You'd think that the song would be more evil and vengeful being a King Diamond song but it's pretty tame and completely silly, you'll have to hit up Google and search around for the lyrics because it's a scream. (1:01) Speaking of screams... (1:59) Have another one, AAIIIEEEE! (2:33-2:49) What you get here is two killer solos here broken up with some more bells and then more shredding from Michael and Andy (2:55-3:23). This is guitar hero shit here folks. (3:42) Here is that ridiculous Christmas riff where the guitar sounds like something they put on the boombox at the holiday inn when you're there at this time of year. Oh hey, it ends with a laugh as well (4:12).

This is a song that I would have loved them to have made a video of.

Nasty Savage - Metal Knights (2:42-ish)

Nasty Savage were fucking cool. Metal Knights may be a silly song but that just makes it a riot to thrash out to. It's about killing posers, don't start hating on songs about killing posers. It starts out with the riff that dominates the song and it's not long before Nasty Ronnie starts his crazed performance (0:10). I could listen to him all day. If you haven't heard Ronnie sing you could compare him to King Diamond but that's not really all that accurate. Tough luck if you haven't heard King either because that's all I got. (0:20) Chorus, where we are told that the metal knights live on and all of the posers will die. (0:44) More vocals and the chorus repeated (0:55) and then it's into a totally shredding solo (1:06). But that's not enough, they hit us with another one (1:26) and then one more if we didn't get the message the first two times (1:38). Boy they're just outta control, thrash! (1:48) Oh it's over, I was totally absorbed. (1:58) This is where you can expect the last verse and the final chorus (2:08). It was a blur while it lasted.

Wage of mayhem.

Omen - Ruby Eyes (Of the Serpent) (3:51-ish)

Some squealing guitars open this one then it's into a typical Omen riff (0:12). (0:47) This is where the vocals start. I love J. D. Kimball's vocals, full of warrior pride and sadness which makes him much more believable than a huge number of those other vocalists doing this type of thing. Oh look, a lead (1:49) which goes right into a solo (2:01) and then another one (2:24). That's another thing I like about Omen. Well, everything but the solos really stick in the mind. (2:43) Vocals again, repeating the bridge and chorus and there's that riff at the start again (3:13). If you aren't into this band then you really suck and you're going to have to come to terms with that.

Gotham City - Battle Blade @ 33 ⅓ (6:07-ish)

Something a bit different today. You've got to slow this down just to hear how funeral it sounds. Raise the pitch a little if the vocals don't do it for you. What's best to use? I don't know, use Audacity or something. This makes it the best song off of The Unknown because it's the only one that works when slowed down.

Massive riff at the start. (0:59) Vocals come in and boy they sound funny at such a slow speed but I like 'em anyway. (2:12) Really mournful lead and then more of those vocals (2:20). (3:00-3:06) Short lead here. (3:3:53) This is where the beat changes and the solo starts (4:06) which is a very good solo. (2:56) Last vocals here, if this was at the original speed it's well fast and the part of the song that I like the most 'cause it's great to sing along to.

I think I'll write about more songs slowed down because it makes them heavier. Amusingly, if you raise the pitch high enough it starts to sound like Cirith Ungol. Awesome.

Arsedestroyer - Teenass Revolt (about 31 minutes)

This is all KKKSSSSHHHHHHHH-AARGHRAGHRAGHRAGH-KKSSSSSHHHHH-RAAAARGHARGHARGARGH!!! There's samples in there which isn't often so basically it's KKKSSSSSHHHHH-THDUM-THDUMTHDUM-RAAAAARGHAARGHARGHRARRRGH-KSSSSSSHHH!!!

None of the "songs" are titled.

Thor - Rock the City (4:10-ish)

Thor bends steel bars in his teeth and blows up hot water bottles until they explode and then he goes and rocks the city with his muscle rock. There's a nice riff going through this and a smooth groove, like they're taking it easy like. (0:12) Vocals come in, listening to John Mikl Thor's voice could make you think that he could be your friend, a friend in rock and roll. There's not a really impressive solo here (1:41-2:06) but it's not offensive by any means and it's the right length. (2:19-2:31) Here is where the beat varies to keep it fresh and the final chorus (3:29) which repeats until the song ends.

We are all rock warriors but there is one that rocks ahead of us.

Crom - Tree Of Woe II (0:50-ish)

It starts out with these really ominous drums and bass before the vocals come in (0:26) and when you think they're going to hit you over the head with blast beats and huge sludgy grooves it cuts to a sample of some pop song which I don't know the name of (0:39). Somehow this is pretty sweet.

Exorcist - Black Mass (4:16-ish)

SATAN'S FREE! WHOAH-OH-A-OH! It's really just Virgin Steele but light years cooler. Campy and theatrical but it melts your face off with blazing hot speed metal. Ominous start and some creepy shit about shit (0:24) and then it's SPEED METAL (0:52). (1:05) A short lead here and then some singing or growling or whatever (1:09) and then BLACK MASS! SATAN'S FREE! (1:32). Great bit to yell at grannies feeding birds at the park when you rock on by listening to your Walkman. Oh that shows me age. (1:43) More singing now, Dave's got a great voice on this. Oh I mean Damien Rath *wink*. Then it's BLACK MASS! (2:04) and a solo (2:35). (3:10) BLACK MASS! Okay, I'll stop. Now it's time for the final solo (3:46) then BL-- PSYCH!

Yeah, I really dig this.

Slaughter - Surrender Or Die (1:29-ish)

One, two, fuck you. This is so primitive, like caveman metal. Or Hellhammer playing Reign In Blood. Vocals (1:03) are raw as hell, guitars are rusty, the bass grinds everything into powder, it might as well be a drone from the simplicity and repetition which always breeds the most violent head banging. Don't expect brilliant song writing, it's Satan and killing people which is what everyone writes when they're young and possessed by death thrash whatever metal and hey, the kids just love it. The band is named Slaughter, what else should they write about eh? If you aren't feeling it then you need to wise up and get with the program. UGH!

Agoraphobic Nosebleed - Crash Course To Maximum Nowhere (0:30-ish)

If you're gonna use a drum machine you might as well jack that fucker's speed up to the max and dial up the hate. This would have to be the angriest shit, like, ever. Kinda sounds like Sore Throat on amphetamines and 100% serious. They must be the easiest people to get on with having got everything off their chest and put it on record.

E-X-E - Fatally Wounded (3:14-ish)

I still don't know what "E-X-E" stands for but I'll be damned if I can't live without this despite it not being too flash. It starts off with some acoustic style picking but the first lead comes in (0:10) and does away with all of that wimpy stuff. Naw, it's cool. It takes a bit longer for the thrashing to start (0:52) but the leads, and then the vocals (1:02) and were cruisin' for a bruisin'. Lyrics are a cut above for a song about mutilating peeps. (2:03) A solo here which gets the fingers widdlin' in the air. (2:39) Just yelling "FATALLY WOUNDED" over a series of leads aaannd it's over. Just another thrash metal band but I'd rather listen to this than a whole lotta other junk.

Death Strike - Mangled Dehumanization (1:58-ish)

Death Strike - Mangled Dehumanization (1:58-ish)

Fuckin' death indeed. Primitive, which is the kind of death metal all the kids (over twenty six, hah!) love. He song's only started and already I'm banging my head like those guys against the lockers in that Twisted Sister video. (0:10) Paul sounds like the most pissed off dude screaming about people getting tortured to death. (1:02) totally ripping leads start now, they rip. Oh, they've stopped and Paul's back on the mic (1:45), I was really enjoying that. UGH!

Hirax - Unholy Sacrifice (2:03-ish)

Not verse, chorus, verse, chorus but speed, speed, speed. For just two minutes it's packed pretty full. Total rock and roll lead to start out with then Katon's helium filled vocals (0:22) which are always a pleasure to hear. (1:00) Another lead and the song has the perfect crossover sound which is all I can say about it but I padded it anyway so you'd have more to read.

Gas them, genocide / shoot them, bullets fly / torture, kill, war crimes / seek, destroy, devastate.

Napalm Death - Death By Manipulation (3:56-ish)

It really sounds like a Godflesh or a Scorn demo. Well, the people in the band at the time did go on to one or both of those bands. There are plenty of groans and screams inserted almost whenever they felt like it, it's entirely rhythm section playing the same steady beat and bass riff over and over again and there's, like, no guitars at all. Very primal. Actually there's one bit of flashiness, the fill near the end (3:38) but that's it. UGH!

Siege - Walls (1:19-ish)

This is hyper-speed cool, you can tell that they influenced everyone just from this one song. All the bands that are special do that. It's a song about breaking barriers so the vocals have to be pretty pissed off (0:01) and there's a good scream in there (0:46). They take a brea-oh wait, they're back now (0:56). Yadda yadda, how hardcore should be played. This just doesn't let up, love it.

Repulsion - The Stench Of Burning Death (1:34-ish)

This is the first song I heard 'cause it's the one at the start of the album. That's a sweet riff they've got going there with distortion on everything. It sounds like total rock and roll to me. (0:16) Now it's settling into the song and the vocals come in (0:22) and it's very apocalyptic, probably nuclear related. It's the eighties after all, that was their thing. This is totally everything I like about death metal: it's rickety to the point of falling off the rails but manages to keep itself together, the vocals are rough as guts, there's a solo that just pops up (0:54) to say hello and it's total gore, UGH!